Balancing Your Passion With Your Poison

Yesterday I received a call from a 612-area code at about 3 PM EST, the voice sounded a bit winded and her tone was hurried; was slightly overwhelming to make out what she was saying. She spoke rapidly. I felt my eyes squinting hard to make out the words. It was a client I’d done a reading for in Minneapolis a few months back. She said,

“Hey Zy, you probably don’t remember me, but you did a reading for me few months ago and everything you said has come to pass.” further emphasized, “i-mean-EVERYTHING”

I wasn’t at all shocked because I get messages like this more frequently than I give myself credit. I was just embarrassed because I couldn’t recall who she was. Even as she described the location we’d met for her reading I was still racking my mind trying to put a face and name to this mystery person. It wasn’t until she said, “I know you probably don’t remember me from all those readings in Minneapolis” then I suddenly recalled her…vaguely.

Mainly I recalled her energy. She was calm and appeared more curious and questioning than needing clarity about anything at the time.

Today she seemed upset and frantic, she was dealing with a family crisis that I’d described in her session. I didn’t recall it. This is best for me as a professional reader to detach myself from the message and just deliver it. No strings attached.

She apologized for calling me abruptly and offered to CashApp me for my time, but I declined. I just wanted to know she was okay. My clients don’t typically call me outside of their scheduled appointments. I do get text messages from a few now and again.

As she described her current situation, I felt my eyes squinting, again. I advised her that Mercury is currently retrograde in Pisces of all signs ruling over confusion and hazy decision making so she should proceed with extreme caution. I noted a few impressions I picked up about what she’s experiencing without divulging too much of her situation here. I heard her sigh and felt her energy shift at the end of the call, as did mine. I was preparing for my evening Astro 101 Class and needed to go. We ended the call and I texted her today to see how she was holding up. Stable for now.

My Libra MC(Midheaven) struggles to balance my passion (metaphysical arts) and my poison (still undecided about what exactly that is) I’ve held many careers and IT seems to be the most rewarding failproof fallback plan. Or is it?

Yes, I do think about retirement, savings and old age. Yes, I worry. A lot. What will that look like for me? I think about the advice my client’s reach out to me for. The advice I give them but am struggling to figure out for myself.

As I’m typing this it dawned on me that I also spoke with another client around noon yesterday about two job opportunities coming up for him. When I spoke with him back in September I mentioned that I saw him at a new job in March 2020. Over the weekend his wife texted to tell me he was offered two positions. I wanted to touch base with them and just see how he was feeling. Before we got to speak he made a no-brainer decision on the job paying significantly more.

In all of this I realize that I didn’t thank my guides who work with me tirelessly. The guides who show up day & night to give me random facts about other people’s lives I would have no way of knowing otherwise.

I felt paralyzed by the thought that maybe I should be looking for work in my [poison] too. Maybe it’s safer there…

It felt like the scene from What Dreams May Come when Robbin Williams went down to hell to rescue his wife and almost got stuck in the gloom and doom of her misery.

I congratulated and smiled for him with ‘readers joy’, but deep down I felt sort of melancholy for myself. I started looking for IT gigs online right away and even announced that I’d be doing less astrology classes to my students that evening. But why?

I of all people know that our poison is a dark cloud. Lurking like a placeholder for mediocrity when it's not fueling our passion.

I know better.

When you are authentically living in your truth there will be no confusion about what you should be doing.

I’ve done readings for people who have no fundamental knowledge of astrology. I might make a book suggestion and within weeks they are suddenly astrologers taking paying clients. Dishing out misinformation: how is that even ethical?? It can't be.

But, within a few months...a year, their desire sort of fizzles/fades out.

The reality is that they felt an inspired impulse to mimic an art-form. Somehow my work sparked an impetus in them to do something different about their circumstances. For the time being they chose astrology. I’m no longer offended by it [eh, I DO think it was unethical for them to take on clients but that’s another story - more on that later]

My whole point here is that we must FIND OUR OWN GROOVE, try out things that fit until they stick, and we can’t go a day without doing them. That is astrology for me. I speak in aspects, archetypes and elements. This is my passion and my life’s work regardless of whatever poisons I try on for size.

I wasn’t feeling so great this morning and later received a notification from my meetup group. A student from my class last night wrote me this message:

“I totally had an "ah ha" moment during last night's pop up meet up. Casting charts of others and understanding what to look for is finally bringing it together. I am confident that I’ll really grasp it in a few more months. Thank you Zy for taking the time to teach us!”

My student didn’t realize how solid her message was. How much it blanketed my spirit as I’m juggling Libran indecision and dancing with different paths to take. It was right on time. A universal wink: “you’re a teacher of metaphysical arts first…and don’t you forget it”

To my guides visible and invisible: thank you for taking the time to teach me

To myself with sincerest gratitude for hanging in here: thank you